Category: Emails

C_____________________

Let me first make something very, very clear to everyone who reads my blog. I do not wish cancer on anyone, no matter who they are, what they do or do not worship, what they think is important in politics, whether cisgendered, LGBTQ, or any form of fluidity on the sexual compendium, where they live, where they are from or where their ancestors are from–we are all members of humanity on this planet.

Yet in many areas of the United States and many other countries, it is considered poor form and rude to question someone concerning their religious beliefs. it is also considered rude and crude to discount or reject the religion, whether in discussion or as a request.

It is not rude, however, to ignore the wishes of someone who has asked–in so many words–to not participate in a religiously-motivated event. In truth, the person who has penned this email and, apparently, taken on the leadership and distribution of said email, is one of my favorite people. My guess is she did not want to leave me out of the mix. I understand this sentiment. I’m even trying to justify my addition to the list, despite my wishes.

But this is what atheists (secret or publicly self-described) face on a regular basis: we are confronted with life events which are often presented to us in terms of religion. Such events are routinely experienced in countries with theocratic governments. It is my understanding that the United States is a republic-form of a democracy. We are not a theocracy. Well, technically, we are not suppose to be a theocracy. The First Amendment states: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

The first few words of this amendment are known as the separation of church and state. Not only does it guarantee freedom of religion, it guarantees freedom from religion. That freedom from religion does not translate well in our country and especially in specific, southernly directional states, such as TEXAS.

I know this sounds like it’s all about me and not about my friend who is battling the pain, fear and uncertainty of cancer. Her fight is something that I cannot battle for her. But I have sent a message, letting her family know that I am here to help, and, actually very close. But my request to not be put on a prayer list fell on deaf keyboards.

Now, will it hurt that I was placed on a prayer list? No. It is my bet that several of my friends will also not forward the email, because they know, as do I, that prayer will not hurt, either, but will not help. What we know is that competent doctors and a relevant protocol of chemotherapy and, perhaps, radiation, will change the course of her cancer. Prayer has not, nor will it ever, change the course of a medical condition.

I know. Someone as close to me as possible almost died from a rare condition. This person did not die because we lived in a city with major medical facilities and surgeons, doctors and nurses who had been trained in up-to-the-minute procedures. This person was diagnosed fairly quickly, yet went into septic shock before exploratory surgery to determine the problem. Recovery has been long, emotional, and devastating, moving one step forward and five steps back. We have since discovered that when this condition occurs, the mortality rate is 95%. That’s right–the vast majority of people do not live through the condition. This person lived, not because of prayer groups formed throughout Texas on the behalf of this person, and instigated by many of my relatives throughout the state. This person lived because of competent medical treatment, based on the evidence of histories of drug trials, peer-reviewed studies and medical procedures which included weeks in a drug-induced coma, multiple surgeries and big-gun antibiotics. My loved one experienced this event as a scared, small child. In recent years, more people are living through this condition; not because prayer has gotten better or more potent: no, evidence-based science, in the form of medical advancements are keeping people alive. When this condition happened to my loved one, I did not pray. I read all that I could about the situation and tried to prepare myself for the probable prognosis of losing this person. Instead, we advocated for my loved one to the top administrators of the hospital. Proactive strategies, not prayer, will help those suffering from conditions and diseases. My loved one is a member of the 5% who lived.

This also begs another issue: when people live after undergoing life-altering circumstances, the standard religious answer in this part o’ the country is that Jesus and/or God cured them. I have actually heard this from members of my family. Then, if the afflicted person does not live, it’s because God moves in mysterious ways, or Jesus needed that person in heaven more than we needed that person on earth. If the known atheist, or liberal New Yorker or Californian dies, it’s because God/Jesus/Allah/Pat Robertson is punishing them for their wicked ways.

B__________ will not be cured by this prayer chain. Her recovery will be as a result of the best practices prescribed by some of the most competent oncologists in the Southwest. We live in a city with the number-one rated cancer research hospital in the world. Her medical cohort will cure her, not Jesus, God, Allah, Yahweh, an angel, a bodhisattva, or an intermediary.

I know my friends think they are helping her by praying for her recovery. It’s the least they can do.

Actually, it truly is the least anyone can do.

I will continue to delete the prayer chain emails as they come into my inbox and contact the family to find out what I can do when B__________ is sick in the middle of the night.